GUITAR HERO® WORLD TOUR ad featuring Kobe Bryant, Alex Rodriguez, Tony H...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30DewN99MIQ

I love this commerical... If you don't have Guitar Hero or Rock Band... You need to get it.. It is so much fun to play with friends and family.

Questions??

Below you"ll see that I ramble on the topic of love, risk, patience. If you continue to read below I can only hope that you can possibly help me answer my questions. Truth is there is no sense living your life without this.  To make the journey and not fall deeply in LOVE - well, we haven't lived a life at all. We have to try. Because if we don't try, we haven't lived. 
  

Honestly.. I don't know what I've done or how it all began. The history I must spare you.

Questions: Do you think that not being able to be with someone makes us fall in love more with a person?  Surely we don't go through the ups and downs of a
relationship to test whether we are in love or not.  By love, I mean the
emotional kind, not the physical kind. Two bodies, one soul. 

My friends sometimes wonder why I can't find anyone to love. I've been in love before or so I thought. I know now there is a different kind of love one that gives you courage to be better then we are and that makes us think ANYTHING is possible. I've been holding out for this type of love for long time and I think I found it.  I deserve it.  How did I find him??

You see for me, I know what I feel inside when I talk to him, when I see his picture, or even when I think about him.  Question: of doubt though make me wonder if  this emotional feeling gets stronger because we are apart? 

I can tell you.. it's not selfish love. You know I saw the movie, "Waitress", and there is qoute from there that stuck with me that can help me describe what it is we have.

"I hope one day someone wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight and that's all they want to do.They don't pull away, they don't look away, they don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you in their arms and hold you tight with out a ounce of selfishness to it".

You see it's a place I don't have to pretend, or think, I'm at peace..He's taught me how to trust myself...

And yet it seems so unfair..

"Unfair?", you may ask.. Well, it's timing.. I've gone away and come back. Time apart.. Lifes apart... Hearts apart... . U see its complicated. I've forgot my head and have been listening to my heart. Hard coming from a girl that believes "it's all or none".

I really feel I can't make any emotional comittment to any other man.  At least, I haven't so far.  Am I hoping that things change in the future and I may begin this enduring dance of LOVE. Yes, I'll admit this love has passion.Question:  If I don't start with that, what am I going to end up with?

How long will this continue - I really cannot say, which may not be the
right thing to do. Yes, I know..Question:.but how can I govern my heart??!! Maybe I'll get hurt.. but I'll get back. It's a risk. It's worth the waiting..

More questions:  Do we need to hear it from the other person that they will never be part of our future before we can "fall in love" with someone else?   Am I making sense? Part of me wishes this... just so it's over.. though it will never really be over. How can you end something that has not quite began? This would be selfish on my part and I might hurt him. Something I would never do. I won't lie either.

Yes, I know I'm getting older.

Thanks for any input you provide...We have gotten to the chapter on love yet in my Philosophy class. Maybe there is an answer there.

One thing so for sure is.. love is nearly an ability. and not a feeling.. There I have to agree with Dan...

Sincerly,

Atonement... are you hearing any heart?!! I am..

And I lie... here in bed. all alone

So, I kept hearing this song on the radio.. and I really liked it. There are days I can be that person. But then tomorrow comes.. and everything is just different. It's okay. Thanks, love.

And you.....Could bring me to my knees...Again.
All the times.....When I could beg you please...In vein.
All the times.....When I felt insecure...For you
And I leave.....My burdens at the door...

But I'm on the outside, I'm lookin in.
I can see through you, see your true colors.
Cuz inside your ugly, your ugly like me.
I can see through you, see to the real you.

All the times.....That I felt like this won't end...It's for you.
And I taste.....What I could never have...It was from you.
All the times...That I've cried...My intentions...Were full of pride.
But I watse.....More time than anyone...

But I'm on the outside, I'm lookin in.
I can see through you, see your true colors.
Cuz inside your ugly, your ugly like me.
I can see through you, see to the real you.

All the times.....That I've cried...
All this wasted....It's all inside...
And I feel.....All this pain...
Stuffed it down.....It's back again...
And I lie.....Here in bed...
All alone.....I can't mend...But I feel...Tomorrow will be ok.

I'm on the outside and I'm lookin in.
I can see through you, see your true colors.
Cuz inside your ugly, your ugly like me.
I can see through you, see to the real you.

Amiga mia...

A very close friend of mine has dedicated this song to me, "Amiga mia", by Alejandro Sanz. I think he hit the nose on the buzzered for sure. I am not sure whether to thank him or whether to hide away in sleep.

It's amazing what one can share with one another through drinks, tears, and heartache. The harder I tried to hide the hidden truth... he read me one night. Though now.. the feelings I think..especially expressed in this song may be a true one sided illusion.. Sadly he knows how hopeless I have become in this hidden love affair that is truely that, "Lost".  It has become intoxicating. I suppose it's the deep truth and please don't ask me.. as many of you will not understand or will never know my side of this story. Please, take no offense my dear friends. I will continue to remain hopefull. True love will find me.

Sadly, we don' t have control.. And yes, timing is essential. To view it from the sidelines now.. I can only sigh.  I don't want him to leave. I  know that this is not a true option. Especially, with _ _ _ _ _ still in need.

Dear Friend,

Thanks for just listening to me and not judging me. Keep it till the death please!! Truths. Please keep in touch.

Moral: Sometimes we invest to much time in things that we really can't change. Things become or are complicated only because we make them complicated.Intense, yes.. Patience, no. Nothing is wrong with being needy. It's just not time. Take two, three steps back.. and let fate takes its course.  AHHHHH!!! I need my wine...

Amiga mia, lo se, solo vives por el,
Que lo sabe tambien, pero el no te ve
Como yo suplicarle a mi boca que diga
Que me ha confesado entre copas,
Que es con tu piel con quien suenia de noche
Y que enloquece con cada boton que
Te desabrochas pensando en en sus manos.
El no te ha visto temblar, esperando
Una palabra, algun gesto un abrazo.
El no te ve como yo suspirando,
Con los ojitos abiertos de par en par,
Escucharle nombrarle.
!ay amiga mia lo se y el tambien.
Amiga mia no se que decir
Ni que hacer para verte feliz
Ojala pudiera mandar
En el alma o en la libertad
Que es lo que a el le hace falta
Llenarte los bolsillos de guerras ganadas
De suenios e ilusiones renovadas
Yo quiero regalarte una poesia
Tu piensas que estoy dando las noticias.
Amiga mia, ojala algun dia escuchando mi cancion
De pronto, entiendas lo que nunca quise
Fue contar tu historia
Porque pudiera resultar conmovedora
Pero perdona amiga mia
No es la inteligencia ni la sabiduria
Esta es mi manera de decir las cosas
No es que sea mi trabajo es que es mi idioma.
Amiga mia princesa de un cuento infinito
Amiga mia, tan solo pretendo que cuentes conmigo
Amiga mia, a ver si uno de estos dias
Por fin aprendo a hablar
Sin tener que dar tantos rodeos
Que toda esta historia me importa
Porque eres mi amiga
Amiga mialo se solo vives por el
Que lo sabe tambien pero el no te ve
Como yo, suplicarle a mi boca que diga
Que me ha confesado entre copas
Que es con tu pie
Con quien sueña de noche...
Amiga mia, no se que decir
Ni que hacer para verte feliz
Ojala pudiera mandar en el alma
O en la libertad
Que es lo que a el le hace falta
Llenarte los bolsillos de guerras ganadas
De sueños e ilusiones renovadas
Yo quiero regalarte una poesia
Tu piensas que estoy dando las noticias
Amiga mia, princesa de un cuento infinito
Amiga mia, tan solo pretendo que cuentes conmigo
Amiga mia, a ver si uno de estos dias
Por fin aprendo a hablar
Sin tener que dar tantos rodeos
Que toda esta historia me importa
Porque eres mia amiga
Amiga mia...

 

 

 

Drinking half a bottle of my favorite wine!!

As most of you may know I live in McAllen and work in Harlingen. Many people ask "why so far?". First of all, I really like my job. Thanks-Dr. Milne for the opporunity. It is challenging but exciting to share my knowledge and see my department grow along with myself. I work with 4 great women daily. They are all different in their own way. Soon -I will share more about them. Anyway, working several miles from home gives me time to unwind before I get home to my children. Today, as I was driving home listening to music I thought about several things: my kids, dinner, being single, questions about  love, religion, my conscience "J", hope, and great friends. I have a whole 30 to 35 minutes to reflect on life, my decisions,  and those that impact it. Funny things is I realized that as I drive home I always look straight ahead at all the cars ahead of me. I never really pay attention to my surroundings left or right of me. Today, I did. I was honest with myself and paused for a minute, though it appears I travel 70 mph. I live my life day in and day out but not once do I think about me!! Just ME!! I work 8hr to 10 hr days. I share the remaining  time with my kids,-who I always say have more patience for me than I have for them. They are awesome!!! , chores, and more work (performance measures). And all I give myself is 30 minutes. Is that enough? Just once, I'd like to not think about 'what is for dinner?'. Single-- BIG deal!! I'm an only child-- I know what is like to be alone. I have OCS-"Only Child Syndrome"--for sure. So, it is not my time right now. My soul mate will find me in due time.  Big deal-- LOVE!!--LOVE surrounds me everyday. I have plenty for sure.  Religion-- I need to go to church. It calls me. I need to give more. Forgive me, my God-- I am not perfect. But I do love you. "J" well, a great shoulder when needed. In a very simple innocent way for sure. I wonder if he even knows? Though, he may not say all-(and only he knows what I mean)- we understand each other. Special thanks to all my friends today- Eddie, Estela, Olga, Maria, Steph, Tina, Claudia, Juan S., Maria S. , Minnie Lucio., Liz, Lori, and my neighbor Sergio--for today. It is funny how we conversed today. Though we may have conversed for today only or daily through verbal or TEXT, email even-- you are with me. So, alone I surely am not. You see-in short "ME" is all those that enter in and out of my life. Even you. Yes, "You', as read this you are in my life. Thanks!!

Eric O Shea TV commericals-- very funny - LOL!!

Check out this video: Eric O Shea



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Men.....

Oprah wrote this about them... and trust me from experience I totally agree...

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartacke. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no!!!--, you can't be "friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them wheh he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You can't change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or has a better job. Don't make him into a quasi-god. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with her, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you  ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the ending..... compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage.... Deal with your issues before pursing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you,... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone COMPIMENTARY.. not SUPPLEMENTARY. Dating is fun.. even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always knows where you are and you're always readily available to him-he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything you need. Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

LOVE ALWAYS,

Esmeralda

Movie qoutes I can relate to....

I saw a great movie this weekend thanks to Frank. (Thanks for lending me the movie!!) I watched "The Holiday". It really touch my heart. I could relate to so much of what was going on. I related more to Iris and Graham. If you haven't seen it yet.  I highly recommend it. Check out the cool quotes that touched my heart.....

IRIS: I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.

IRIS: I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

AMANDA: Sex makes everything more complicated. Even not having it, because the not having it... makes it complicated.

GRAHAM: I have another scenario for you - I'm in love with you. I apologize for the blunt delivery, but as problematic as this fact may be, I'm in love... with YOU. I'm not feeling this because you're leaving, and not because it feels good to feel this way... which, by the way, it does, or did before you went off like that. I can't figure out the mathematics of this, I just know I love you. I can't believe how many times I'm saying it! And I never thought I'd feel this way again, so that's pretty phenomenal. And I realize that I come as a package deal: 3 for the price of 1. I know my package, perhaps in the light of day, isn't all that wonderful, but I finally know what I want and that, in itself, is a miracle. And what I want is YOU.

IRIS: Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you.

Note to self...

Dreams are goals with deadlines……(My dreams in no particular order)

• Learn how to play guitar-at least one song
  
• Play the song I learn to my friends at a bar
  
• Write a song
  
• Write a screen play
  
• Live in New York City (for 6 months)
  
• Live in Mexico City (for about 6 months)
  
• Travel to Puerto Rico
  
• Travel across Mexico
  
• Learn to swim (I'm scared of the water)
  
• Fall in love and get married
  
• Go back to school
  
• Teach night classes at community college-part-time
  
• Open up a Bar and Grill
  
• Get BMW—500 series
  
• Be a great grandma one day—no time soon—I hope...
  
• Go to more concerts
  
• Go to Church more often
  
• Hear Joel Osteen live
  
• Lose a good 15 to 20 lbs
  
• Wear a bikini and look hot!!
  
• Learn to different forms of dance but very well--- Salsa, County….
  
• Learn to play golf
  
• Learn to play tennis and improve my back hand
  
• Get a bulldog--
  
• ??? I will add more as they come to me

If anyone reading this can help me accomplish some of my wishes-- let me know...

Remember whatever happens, happens for a reason

1. Love someone not because of who who they are, but because you love who you are when you are with them. 

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

4. Never frown. even you are sad, because u never know who is falling in love with your smile.

5. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

6. Don't waste you time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

7. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

8. Don't cry because it is over, smile becasue it happened.

9. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

10. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.